My Boyfriend Likes To Go To Strip Clubs...I Don't Want To Make It A Big Deal But I Feel Threatened And Insecure About It (Confluence)


Q: My boyfriend likes to go to strip clubs. I don’t want to make it a big deal but I feel threatened and insecure about it.

He’s always been open and honest. I’m not worried about him cheating. I just feel uncomfortable knowing he wants to look at other women that way .

A: I love this question; and as a veteran stripper of nearly a decade, I assure you that my primary motivation has always been to earn a living and that I’m not trying to "steal your man". Never once in my ho-life have I heard a co-ho say "I can’t wait to break up someone’s relationship tonight"; we are there to make money, because capitalism. Now that you know this truth, we can move to your question.

Some people look at porn for the same reasons that others look at Pinterest, and strip clubbing can be no different: escapism is healthy. We all agree that the female form in movement can be a beautiful thing, and maybe your partner just wants to be visually stimulated in a safe and consensual way. An escort pal of mine once said, "I believe that sex work can be one of the only kinds of self-care that men ever engage in." I have known this to be the case in many hetero-males. A lot of men don’t pamper themselves with massages, pedicures or hot yoga like we women do. Breasts just really makes a lot of people happy, and he’s totally normal for being able to appreciate them.

I am a fan of talking to my partner when I feel insecure about something. In order to do that, ask yourself objective questions. What is it that bothers you? Are you afraid that he will like the other women’s bodies more than yours? Does he have a spending problem? Do you feel uncomfortable with your sexuality? These are big questions, but they can lead to self-discovery.

If for some reason he develops unhealthy behaviors around that activity, such as overspending or prioritizing it away from spending time with you or the family, there’s probably some stress or steam that he’s trying to blow off, and I would address that. And of course, I hope he respects the consent and the boundaries of all the women working there and tips them if he engages them in labor.

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