I Would Like To Spice Up My Sex Life By Adding Sex Toys, But I Don’t Know Where To Start (Confluence)


What are your toy goals? Do you want to penetrate yourself? Or do you want more of a clit rubber? Both? Do you like it bumpy or do you like it smooth? Is it important that you’re able to use it in the shower? Do you want a portable toy that can easily travel? Or would something plugged into the wall suit you better? Make a checklist if it helps you focus on what you’re wanting.

Go into a store if possible, because it’s easier to gauge these little gadgets IRL. Many boutiques or high-end adult shops offer Tester toys that you can check out before you buy; try pressing the vibe to the inside of your wrist, or your sternum/chest to gauge the vibrations.

Avoid ordering from Amazon so that you don’t receive an item that is counterfeit or damaged, more about that here on Kinkly. If you’d like to order online or there aren’t any adult shops in your area, I recommend SheBop, and AdamandEve. I’ve heard great things about LoveHoney and Early2Bed from my sex-knowledgable friends.

If you’re looking for something you’d like to use anally, make sure it has a long handle, or a flared base so that it can’t get sucked up into your rectum. I know people who have had to make a hospital trip because they pushed something up there and couldn’t get it out!

If you’re going to use a toy anally, consider putting a condom on on it. This will prevent the likelihood that any feces won’t be absorbed into more porous toys, and spread to your vagina or etc.

Don’t leave batteries inside of the toy in between uses, because it can corrode the insides due to the low electrical charge that’s present even if the device isn’t on.

Squishy and soft toys don’t like cuddling when they sleep: be sure to store them separately so that they don’t melt or stick to each other. Glass and wood and hard plastic toys are okay to touch but be mindful of their overall cleanliness.

Toys CAN overheat, and your nerves CAN become damaged from overstimulation, so I suggest taking breaks every twenty minutes, or turn the toy off if it feels very warm.

If you don’t like the first thing you try, don’t fret. It can be very confusing to find a quality toy for an affordable price, and it can take some trial and effort to find what works for you. I was gifted my first vibrating 5" vibe by an eager boyfriend and I didn’t enjoy it much. It was a "top seller" toy, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Years later I realized that I don’t like hard plastic cylindrical toys inside of my pussy, and that’s okay, because those toys can be enjoyed by other people who do! My corded Hitachi wand turns seven this year and we’ve had a great relationship.

There’s no correct way to masturbate or experience sexual pleasure, so just do what feels good, and go from there.

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